I never fully understood how debilitating a sugar addiction could be, until I hit a huge bump in the road called life. My husband and I have separated after 3 years of marriage and two children, something I am finding very difficult to cope with, and now more than ever I have seen how much I rely on bad food.
I have managed to tangle myself into such a terrible habit, whereby I genuinely crave crap food because I have convinced myself that it will make me feel better once I’ve binged. And without doubt, every time I follow my urges, I always end up feeling worse. I feel sick, have a headache, am full of regret, hate my reflection, feel angry towards myself and my apparent absence of will power, lack energy and feel even more depressed than I did before. And the odd time I do eat a healthy balanced meal high in good fats, no sugar and protein fuelled I always feel much better both inside and out and yet I still don’t change and my next meal will be a bucket of brownies!
What on Earth is wrong with me?! Clearly I know what I am doing wrong, I just have absolutely no control over myself. Take yesterday for example. I ate a salmon salad with new potatoes and two boiled eggs and spinach for lunch. I felt so healthy and happy, I was perfectly full without feeling sick and yet as I got in my car to go somewhere I knew I would be passing an M&S petrol garage and couldn’t stop myself swerving onto the forecourt and sprinting to the till with a sugary iced latte and chocolate bar gripped in my sweaty shaking palm.
Get a grip Carlie, for crying out loud!
It has taken this huge shift in my life to realise that sadness, low feelings, hurt and anger trigger within me some insane addiction to processed, sugar filled foods, and never have I felt more strongly about kicking this ridiculous habit. It is so true that you are what you eat. And I eat low energy, fat filled, bad food, leaving me with low energy levels, fat and feeling bad!
So this sugar detox was set to fail right from the start, this isn’t just about cutting out sugar, this is about managing my emotions and my relationship with food. I need to change much more than just my sweet tooth, but how I look at food and how I cope with stress.
If you’ve been following along with me and have managed to complete the sugar detox that I was meant to start on 1st July and you have successfully got this far, then massive congratulations! If you haven’t, and some of the things I have said are resonating with you, then maybe we need to start a new journey of self discovery.
The beginning of my new journey is about dealing with stress and adjusting how I look at food, how I perceive it’s role in my life, teaching myself to separate food and stress and observe them as two unrelated identities, and taking care of myself. I don’t need food to make me feel better, I love to read, and take long hot baths, spend time with friends and my children amongst many other things and I need to use these to improve my mood and not rely on foods that are directly affecting my mood in a negative way.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I will be having counselling to help me move forward from the separation from my husband, I want to learn where things went wrong and why, how I can protect my children from any hurt, and how I can move onto future relationships (when I am ready) that are healthy and filled with happiness because I am secure and happy in my own skin.
I am glad I have finally learnt this much about myself, and things will be changing as I move forward. I would love to hear some positive stories from other readers who have gone through a difficult breakup, or other life changing moment that has affected their physical and mental health negatively. Have you managed to come out the other side? What have you learnt about yourself and what steps did you take to improve the way you live?
I’m all about positivity at the moment, so some good vibes sent my way would be hugely appreciated.